Nothing in my life has been more powerful than personal acceptance,than as one of my Sistah goddesses calls it, "giving yourself permission"...that time, that place and that space when you realize that it is okay for you to be you and that even if it aint okay you bout to do that shit any damned way! The time when you grow weary of cloaking your fulfillment in the desires of others and you strike out in pursuit of Your Life lived on Your Terms...that moment when it dawns on you that the greatest accomplishment ever gained by being long suffering and self sacrificing was crucifixion and that aint quite what you had in mind for your life, when you open your eyes to the fact that man or that job or that career that you are giving yourself to day after day minute after minute hour after hour aint even got the decency to say thank you and has no plans of ever acknowledging your contributions, but will continue to take credit for them as long as you allow it...the time when you grow tired of hearing your words come out of the mouths of others without so much as a footnote, when you feel that you will burst from seeing others build their lives around your drudgery,when you feel like you cannot stoop lower, scrape any deeper or bend your back into one more contortion for the comfort of others
THAT is when you become a woman..the real thing..not someone who is virtuous and therefore hard to find, whose price is described as far above rubies because she gathers flax for her family; not what you have always been told a woman should be..BUT someone whose life is a shining example of Living of Being of Doing...what a woman truly is...someone who pushes her dreams out of her head, fashions them into a living reality right here on Earth and blows the breath of life into them
Once I started living for myself I realized that Heaven supported me, the Moon, the Earth, the Stars, the Rivers, the Ocean, trees, grass, animals had my back...God put Her hand in mine and smiled with me...I realized that far from being displeased or angry with my happiness, Her joy for me was rivaled only by my own...
And I intoned Ntozake Shange's words with full understanding for the first time:
"I found God in Myself and I loved Her , I loved Her Fiercely!"