The Bliss Chronicles: A Black Woman Daring to be Her Full Self

Oshe Tura Pan Afrikan Institute

2010-03-29T07:29:00.001-07:00

2010-03-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

Moving BUT not deleting!

2009-03-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings Yall,
I received a few comments when I was preparing to delete this blog that have led me to decide NOT to delete it.
I will leave all past blogs here HOWEVER....all new postings will be at my Other blogger blog

The Resurrection of the Town of Women

Hope to see you all there!

Ecstasy, Abundance, and Bliss to all
O

Deleting This Blog

2009-01-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

Greetings All,
I am will be deleting this blog shortly please find all bliss blogs at my other blogger location-The Resurrection of the Town Of Women
O

Reflections Over the Past 39 Years...Its Been a Great Ride

2008-11-05T15:09:00.000-08:00

October 28, 2008...I reached my 39th revolution around the sun...SMILE
My biggest birthday present was a trip to Atlanta to participate in a Haitian Voodoo ceremony in which a friend of mine "married" the loa Erzulie Dantor
Invigorating...in spite of the fact that my ever swelling womb caused me to sleep through the last half of the singing and dancing..SMILE

I was awakened to what I call 'real' life at 17 by the voice of Bob Marley...while visiting my sister I was introduced to him through the Exodus album, it had been borrowed from her Nigerian boyfriend

My mind was opened by the meaningfulness of the lyrics and the truth of what he was saying rang true...I was captured and sought to know more

One song in particular-"So Much Things To Say"- held my mind, the lines
'I'll never forget no way they crucified Jesus Christ
I'll never forget no way they sold Marcus Garvey for rice
I'll never forget no way they turned their backs on Paul Bogel (?)
And don't you forget no you who you are and where you stand in the struggle'

I asked my mother, the most learned person I knew, who Marcus Garvey was and she wasn't sure and said I should seek answers at my local library

The library where I lived, Columbia TN had absolutely NO information on Marcus Garvey and now that I think back...it is amazing that my mother had not heard of him...having grown up in Cleveland OH during the time period not long after his heyday....hmmm curious????

Anyway...as I write about it...I see that my mother raised us in a manner that was revolutionary for Black children...when the US was at war with Libya she called us to the television and said look at Qaddafi, he looks like you and I, she took us the globe and showed us that Libya was in Afrika and said they are fighting Black people, people that look like us and are from the same place that we are from...when the MOVE headquarters in Philly were bombed she awakened us before daybreak in the morning and said the only reason they bombed these people is because these people were led by a Black man, there is no other reason, these people were not doing anything wrong, they were not hurting anyone, their crime was being Black and she made us watch the entire newcast as we dressed for school

She taught us that were not Americans, but were members of a Master Race who had been able to survive the rigors of slavery, the middle passage and racist America

She taught us that ancient KMTic/Egyptian civilization was a BLACK civilization and that Egypt was in Afrika our homeland

So I suppose I was building upon what I was taught to be moved so deeply by the words of Bob Marley and when I was lucky enough to find a little bit of information on him in my school library I was uplifted and transformed by the platform and vision of Marcus Garvey , the UNIA and the Black Star Line

For the remainder of my senior year I listened to little else than Bob Marley to the extent that my mother asked me to please stop playing it over and over because it sounded like folks beating on garbarge cans-I didn't learn until later that she was actually accurate in her description of steel drums...LOL...kind of

I entered into the hallowed halls of Fisk University elated with the prospect of being able to learn more about my people....and my Alma Mater delivered...I was inundated with the literature of the Harlem Renaissance, the visually revolutionary art of the 60's and 70's and an education style that primed FISKITES to be the next Black leaders...we were reminded in every class that it was the Black man's time to rule and that we must be prepared to step up and take the mantle of leadership upon graduation...all art classes began with Afrikan art and then moved forward into classical European and then into Black art forms such as Jazz and blues...humanist thought classes and political science classes challenged us to form new world views and new spiritual views...I was being groomed and molded daily hourly...not to mention the sheer joy of being around ALL BLACK folx all the time...our vibration was so beautiful, so creative, so powerful

By the time I came home for the summer and refused to be ignored until all the whitefolx behind me had been serviced in line at our local dept store...and expected cars and trucks to stop if I was in the crosswalk whether their drivers were black or white...and was vocal about these racists acts...my mother feared for my life and second guessed her decision to send me to a black school

And so on and so on...fast forward to the summer before my Junior year and my boyfriends friend was making all types of changes in his life and attributed them to one book which he said we HAD to read...he loaned me his copy and I devoured every word...THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MALCOLM X!...the summer was 1989, it was the tail end of the Tawana Brawley scandal and Public Enemy was admonishing us to Fight the Power, Spike Lee asked us to Do The Right Thing AND all around we were sporting afrikan medallions, dashikis and baby dreds...we were reviving the revolution of Black Liberation that our parents had left behind and we were LOVING it...within this climate, I conceieved my first child....SMILE

I was RIPE in every way by the time I found out I was pregnant...I was growing out my natural, seeking ways to study Islam, and looking for an Afrikan name to be known by...I was an active member of our Black Liberation group on campus "The Conscious Party"...I felt happy and free and meaningful...I told my mother I was pregnant and that I was keeeping the child and giving it an Afrikan name and raising it as Muslim...my mother, who had raised me to be such a free and proud Black thinker...was appalled at my these child rearing choices...it was the first of many philosophical rifts in our relationship

In May of 1990 on the day the world had mourned Bob Marley 9 years earlier my daughter was born
Nailah Imani...our first outing...Louis Farrakhan's speech in Birmingham AL!!!!!!

I studied with the NOI in earnest for the next 2 or 3 years...during which time I also had another daughter...Kamilah Laini...married and divorced their physically abusive father...and returned to Fisk to complete my bachelors degree after a two year hiatus

By the time I got back to Fisk...I didnt do it if it wasnt Black, didnt talk about it if it wasnt revolutionary, didnt participate in it if it wasnt about the downfall of the wicked ass system! I had expanded my hero base to included Huey Newton and the Black Panther Party for Self Defense and Dedan Kimathi and the Kenyan Land Freedom Army...I wrapped my head in Afrikan cloth, clothed my body in baggy blue jeans and Fisk sweatshirts and wore combat boots...always ready in case The Revolution should begin...chanting the lyrics of X Clan at all times like a mantra

I took the last electives I needed to graduate among them...classes called Revolutionary Black Movements, Malcom X the Icon, The Black Experience in Religion and Afrikan history I and II...my professors all of them white except one...taught me that my Ancestors all over the world had been fighting against oppression since the first Arab enslaved us way back in the 13th century...and that we had won that fight in the 60's and 70's with the independence from the colonial powers and the regaining of our lands and our political power over ourselves BUT that these same colonial powers had used their money and Super Power status to then pay off our own Afrikan leaders to overthrow the revolutionary governments that had been built...I was enraged and saddened and overwhelmed...I needed to pray but wasnt sure what God's name was...I needed a spiritual base and the NOI was not feeding me in that way...so one day in hour of extreme want...I fell to my needs and told GOD-I do not know what your name is , your true presence has been cloaked in lies BUT I need you to deliver me, I need strength and help and support and I know that these things come through you...I can no longer pray to the God of slaves, who I know was put into place to keep me and my children enslaved forever so I pray to the GOD my ancestors prayed to before coming to this horrible place and I beg you to answer me, help me, help my babies, deliver US!

Within a week I had purchased Tell My Horse from the school bookstore and my Black Experience in Religion teacher had introduced me to the worship of the Orisha...even though he was a Christian minister...he considered my questions in class and after class and my passion and enthusaism and pointed me to a passage in a book about Oyotunji Village in SC and said..."this is what you are looking for"...ALL PRAISES to my Munificent Mother Oshun!!!!

Within the next week I met three people studying traditional Afrikan spiritual practices and was invited to attend the next open meeting being held...within months I was a devotee...then a prestigious member of the elite inner circle and in two years a priestess of Oshun!!!

I got married again...had two more daughters...begin to home school my babies..co founded a Temple...went to Jamaica and Afrika and Barbados...listened to and was groomed by Oshun HerSelf

Somewhere within this journey I realized that while my early liberation motives had been to get a piece of the American pie...I no longer wanted any of that rotten molded corrupt and wickedness...I realized that LIFE is good and positive and uplifting in its purest form...I realized that I myself am the bringer and supreme carrier of life as the Afrikan Woman and that this is a magickal truth that has been celebrated by the ancients since life began

I became disenchanted with the patriarchal and abusive nature of most Afrikan liberation organizations and I looked desperately for a mentoress and found none but Oshun and my own head, my Ori

I became a renegade within some Orisha houses in the US because I refused to give credence to their abusive and chauvanistic practices and I was VOCAL about my refusal...I even cussed out the brothers that I travelled to Afrika with for their unacceptable behavior while there...somewhere along the way I BECAME I WOMAN....YES YES YES

I knelt by the waters of the Oshun river while in Nigeria and asked for healing and was blessed with Sacred Woman when I returned the US

I divorced husband number two and wept before my Oshun shrine and was blessed with another free trip to Barbados and a job teaching at the university

I learned to depend upon Oshun for all things and that all things would be and continue to be given unto me

I moved away with my four daughters to the West Indies...offending many with my vocal stance against the patriarchy my unacceptance of chauvanistic treatment of any kind in any form...and my assertion and patriarchal attitudes ARE NOT AFRIKAN!...I brought my children home to the US for a visit with their father embraced my most passionate lover...concieved and bore a son

AND so here I am...in the midst of a long pause and reflect period in my own life...sitting the US still for the past 2 years even though I KNOW and my children KNOW it is not the place for us...but still knowing that LIFE is good and that OSHUN is in control always and in all ways...waiting for I dunno...an epiphany...a sign...lightening...fireworks...something...and I am now 39...carrying another child...teaching at another university...watching the election of the first black president in the US wishing my mother had lived to see it...

My life has been so good so full so transformational so led truth and wisdom and courage
I am proud of my self and in awe of my self as well...what further adventures we have only Oshun knows but in looking back I am sure of one thing

I am up to the challenge and
I am game!

Desire...

2008-07-14T09:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it is "normal" ...as in what is socially acceptable and "allowed" but I want it all the time...*sigh*...and I was born this way...I mean from as far back as I can remember...I have spent large portions of my day trying to figure out how to be held more or kissed more or touched more frequently

This need is so pervasisive within my personality that I have grown to think that EVERYONE wants it as much as I do...they just do not admit it...and I have researched and studied enough child development information to have deduced that it may be some shortcoming of my early infanthood...that perhaps I wasn't touched or held or kissed enough...I mean I know I wasn't breastfed and I have six other siblings and all and Momma had to go back to work when I was around one I think...but to be honest yall
My brothers and sisters filled my early childhood with tickling and tackle football and kissing and hugging and holding and lots and lots of affection...on a level I think we worked very hard to give to each other what we did not receive from my mother or my father...I even see it in the very touchy feely way we raise our own children, such a departure from our own upbringing

Now that I am a grown woman...I still love touching, being touched, kissing, being kissed...lots and lots of affection and I also have a high libido

*BLINK*

I say that with a measure of fear, trepidation, and trembling...because, even in this age of "Sex In The City" and "Desparate Housewives" it is still somewhat taboo for a woman to have and admit to intense sexual urges

Not always acceptable to be the one who rolls over in the middle of the night fondling and wanting and whose desire rises in each morning with SunRa...I suppose it must be somewhat intimidating to be with a woman whose urges constantly cause her to trepass on that most sacred, partially ego-driven and decidedly male ground of sexuality...be that as it may...I am who and what I am and although I have learned to make peace with most of My Self and love Her unapologetically THIS PIECE remains the last stronghold of the patriarchy in my otherwise gynocentric, woman centered, matrifocal psyche! MY OWN DESIRE! I still fight my own urges so as not to step on the oh so sensitive toes of those who feel that my own wants have no place in the realm of desire...those who diagnose me simply because I have needs more intense than their own...my sensuality, my sexuality remains watered down, diluted, less than full strength

I do not believe that the world is ready and I have YET to meet a lover who is ready to actually deal with Female Sexuality head on, face to face...Full, Straight No Chaser, ON TEN

Cause female sexuality is the stuff our cultures most influential horror stories are made of...the Jezebels, the Mary Magdelenes, the Eves, the Liliths...all of these women, who are the WRONG KIND of women had the gaul to exhibit their desires and EVEN WORSE had the nerve to expect them to be fulfilled...thereby earning themselves a permanent place in exile within in the minds of those who seek to belong

And even though belonging is something I gave up on back in the sixth grade...the thorn of socialization has still been driven deep into my spine splintering so that little bitlets of it remain part of my soul even as I struggle to remove them...there is always one tiny piece left lingering right underneath the skin, that is undetectable with the naked eye but causes so much pain that you will gladly suffer through having it fished out with a needle...my desire is That Piece

Update on Online Courses On Raising Children in Orisha, Afrikan Spirituality and Gynocentricity

2008-06-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today will mark the official beginning of my online correspondence courses on Raising Children in Orisha, Afrikan Spirituality and Gynocentricity...
Those who have ordered a course will receive their first lessons via email today...
For those who did not order a course...each online lesson is $10 and there are up to 8 lessons per course
Each lesson may be purchased individually by clicking on the order an online course button to the left of my blog

Also here are short descriptions of each course for those who are interested...

Raising Children In Orisha
This course will offer information and support for parents or parents to be who want to integrate ancient spiritual practices into the lives of their children...the course will not be limited to information on the Orisha but will cover Earth based cultural practices from other areas in Afrika and the Caribbean as well as North and South America

How does raising children in Orisha differ from mainstream parenting?

How can I "ritualize" my birth experience? (whether at home or in the hospital)

How can I include my child in rituals? (newborn to young adult)

Bringing ancient ways into the modern world

A year and a day, when one parent leaves the home (divorce/separation)

Can they and should they still go to church with grandma?

What about holidays?

Afrikan centered/Orisha based Home Schooling/Unschooling ( a rudimentary curriculum that can be used whether your child is in public school or home schooled)

Afrikan Spirituality
This is a course in Afrikan spirituality and worldview. The objective of the class is to offer an understanding of this ancient way to those who are interesting in practicing it as a way of life or studying it or even adding it to their own current practice.
Who are the Orisha/Vodun/Loa?

What is the nature of Ancient Afrikan Supreme Being?

Affects of the Maafa (slave trade) on Afrikan Spirituality

Role of Women in Afrikan Spirituality

Family in Afrikan Spirituality

Sacred Orature: Sacred Oral Texts of West Afrika

Power of the Spoken Word, Incantations

Western Adaptions of West Afrikan practices

Gynocentricity
This course will discuss the Matriarchies and what life looks like when the womb is the focal point of all daily interactions. Instructions on creating a womb centered focus in your own life will be given. Examples of how womb centered-ness looks in the ancient and modern world.

GYNOCENTRICITY what it is and what it is not(2 sessions)

The Matriarchy: A Brief Historical Overview(2 sessions)

Praise the Mother: Goddess Veneration: Historical Overview(2 sessions)

Modern Matrifocal Societies and How they Operate

How we intergrate Gynocentricity into our own lives

Day 5 of a Ten Day Summer Solstice Fast

2008-06-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

Speaking to my close sistah friend yesterday I was reminded of how fasting opens your eyes, increases your spiritual power and brings clarity on how to fulfill your destiny, fasting also reminds you of what destiny you chose when you bowed before Olodumare before being re-born into the physical realm...

I feel happy, free, light, airy...sweet

And I am reminded of how SO MUCH of who and what we believe ourselves to be is actually what we consume as opposed to what we actually ARE

Meaning...we are what we eat, what we drink, the music we listen to, the television shows we watch...we are the movies we view, the conversations we participate in, the decorations in our homes and offices, the friends we surround ourselves with, the people we make love to

All of these things...are things we consume

As I watch the world...not just now that I am fasting but most of the time...I see people who are tangled up in trying very hard to be and do things that are not them

I see people who believe that violence and hurt and conflict are the norm

People who think that to live in a place where there is happiness and peace is a pipe dream

People who have bought into the doctrine that they are inherently wicked...they are spiritually flawed and morally corrupt from birth

People who believe that they have a propensity towards being mean, and hateful, and harmful towards themselves, towards others, towards the EarthMother, towards Life itself, towards existence

It is not true

As a mother...I know the tiny innocent creatures full of love for life...full of hope for others...full of a zeal for living and a deep spiritual connection with everyone and everything around them that we ALL ARE

I know that this is the truth of Who and What we all ARE

It is no deeper than that

but

It is no less than that either

Iba A Se...I pay homage to

2008-04-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

My earliest memories are lying in your lap and being rocked to sleep
Trying to suck my thumb and you telling me that that would make my teeth look like Bugs Bunny...vanity got me even then...smile...so I stopped

Sleeping with you in our bed in Grandmaw's house, with the big portrait of you that hung over the fire place in our room...looking at that portrait every day and thinking how beautiful you are and praying to look like you

The sweet smell that permeated our room

Of being left at your best friend's mother's house and how long the hours would seem before I saw you again...and how I would cry an cry and cry myself to sleep cause I could not stand or understand being separated from you, your sweet smell and your face

You coming home from work and bringing me half eaten packages of life savers, being jiggled on your lap while you talked on the phone....not really liking it BUT not wanting it to end, cause I wanted to be close to you

Standing up beside you in our red VWbug and you putting your hand out to shield me when the car stopped

Watching you dress, watching you put on your make up, dancing with you, laughing with you, wanting so desparately to be as much like you as possible for so long

I also remember the turbulent years
Me blossoming into womanhood and your difficulty accepting it
I remember telling you of my first kiss and my decision to get on the pill after I went away to college
I remember how we fought every day after I turned 14
I remember the migraines I suffered from daily trying to negotiate the sharp stones and twists and turns of our relationship

I remember you dropping me off and college and saying "You grown now" and driving away
I remember you saying, "My mother never said it to you, but I do not want to die without saying it to you, I AM PROUD OF YOU" when I graduated from Fisk

I remember our arguments, our debates about Afrikan religion
giving the children Afrikan names
eating a vegetarian diet

I remember not being able to talk to you to share with you, to be with you
I remember being cut off from the one person in the world whose opinion means as much to me as my own
And I remember falling before my ancestral altar and asking your mother about it and her saying to me clearly
"She does love you, soo much, please understand that she is doing the best that she can do"
And making peace within myself

I remember watching you slip away, lose your mind, leave me , leave us, leave this world
AND STILL
you had grace, your beauty would still cause folx to stop and stare...still You were You

And I remember waiting for the rest of you to slip away into the land of the Ancestors
My touchstone
My centerpost
My earth
My sky
My creatrix

The Source from which I sprang, almost singlehandedly

Your life taught me how to live my life
Taught me not to ever answer to anyone but myself
Taught me not to put dogma over personal preferences or true actual goodness
Taught me that when you are truly yourself, you will be respected
you will be honored
you will be loved
no matter what

You were unconventional ALWAYS and ALL WAYS
you lived life on your own terms and died death that way too

You loved who you liked and dared the world to say you nay
You bore seven of us and raised five of us by yourself AND our life was rich and luxurious and we and you were envied
You are STILL the prettiest woman in the world, even though you've left this world

You told me I was a witch before I was five and you gave me every spell you knew

My queen my goddess
I pay homage to you Mama
Enter into the Ancestral Realm with peace, with glory
Knowing that not only did you live your life here on Earth well
You did it your way, as only you could have
I am honored to have sat at your feet
to have come from your womb
to have walked by your side
to be yours

Your loving daughter

After a 13 year struggle with Alzhiemers My mother passed away last Tuesday, March 25th

Dontchu Cut Yo Hair Against the Moon!

2008-03-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

Akua asks...

Would you please share some rituals you do for the new moon and full moon?

I was taught the importance of working with the moon as a child by my grandmothers...Nannie Mae Caldwell Fields and Thelma Harlan Morgan; Iba a ra torun-I pay homage to the citizens of the heavenly realms

I grew up hearing them speak of not doing things "against the moon"

Asking "why" was considered disrespectful , instead you were expected to watch closely and learn why certain things were so

(An attitude that I encountered again when learning from my elder priests and priestesses in Nigera, West Afrika)

through paying attention and listening closely, I realized that it was taboo to harvest crops, cut hair, pull teeth when the moon was waning...if you did these things when the moon was dying...they would not grow back

Like most of the supernatural practices we used regularly, working with the moon was not considered to be "magickal" or "witchy" or "pagan" it was just what was done

It was one of those tools used to make life easier and more abundant

Human beings are to a certain extent ruled by the moon...it governs the waters that bring us forth, the menses of our mothers and it rules our fertility as we are the only lunar primates on Earth...most other primates go into heat on a solar calender...whereas human fertility is ruled by Mother Moon

I use this cosmic connection to empower my endeavors

According to the wisdom of my grandmothers...the new moon is the best time to start new things

It is the time when the universe is ripe for new beginnings and fresh starts

As the moon grows your endeavors will grow with it

Plant your seeds on the new moon and they will flourish

The full moon is when you see the fullness of what you have sown, this is when you reap your rewards...

At the full moon you celebrate your successes and praise those projects that have come to fruition

The moonshine of the full moon is also the best time to praise the energy that has governed that moon cycle, the cosmic force or zodiac sign or orisha that the full moon manifested in for that month

Women will often find that they cannot sleep on nights when the moon is full

My explanation...

We should be out praising Her and dancing under the fullness of Her energy allowing ourselves to be showered with the divine power that She issues forth

After the full moon began the process of pruning, because the moon is dying or waning...you would begin to prune away those elements that are not as useful to you or your endeavors

As the moon dies, so will those more negative elements

For the new moon...begin those projects you have been waiting to start, new relationships, new businesses, new partnerships of any kind

Write down what you wish to achieve with these new projects and plant them in the ground somewhere under the darkness of the new moon

For the full moon...celebrate your successes, gather with a group of women and enjoy the moon shine

...sit anything that you need to imbue with moon energy-crystals, cloth, water, amulets-in the moonlight and gather it before sunrise

For the waning moon...write a list of those things that need to be pruned away from your life or your projects and burn them under the waning moon...ask that these elements be removed from your life as the moon dies

Use these descriptions as a blueprint for rituals that you wish to create...allow your Ori, your highest self to guide you in creating rituals that are highly personalized and therefore the most effective for you and your life

To Be A Black Woman IS To Be A Witch...Lemme Explain

2008-03-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

I fell into an unexpected vat of Witch Bashing yesterday

I was at the salt mines slaving away as usual, you know making bricks without straw for the white supremacist power structure

When I received a summons from my sistren there to join a prayer circle
WELL
I hastened unto the call
Cause I was singlehandedly raised by a Black mama and I KNOW that a Black woman's prayers can fill a cupboard, put clothes on your back, shoes on your feet , gas in your tank, food on your table, and a roof over your head
Whenever you have the opportunity to pray with a group of Black women or be prayed for by a Black woman seize it, you will be exceedingly blessed
SO
I hastened unto the call
We were airing out some of the obstacles we are facing when someone mentioned that a particularly ill tempered white woman in the front office is a witch
My initial thought was DAYUM , she makin us ALLLL look bad
BUT then I stood up and touched and agreed with the sistren in the room and we spoke of how we have prayed to ask the rain to stop falling and watched it happen
How we have prayed and sold a house in a matter of days
How we have looked into a bank account with a negative balance and prayed and looked again and had money
How we have prayed ourselves out of abusive relationships
and into loving ones
and on and on and on

And I saw again confirmation of the fact that To Be a Black Woman IS to be a Witch...in the purest since of the term

Our words have power...all by themselves...we are born with what our Ancestors called Ofo Ashe-The Power of the Spoken Word

We create the reality around us by our words

Most of us were raised using herbal and home remedies and therefore have a least a rudimentary knowledge of these methods of healing....we do things like take cod liver oil for a cold, place turrenpentine under our beds to break a fever, and use a lil whiskey and some honey and lemon for a cough

We lay on hands...your mother and your grandmother would rub whatever it was that hurt and it would feel better...if you were really hurt, they would rub and sing or rub and pray and speed healing energy to that area

We are the Original Witches...the power of womanhood that is a force to be reckoned with

A Black woman just being herself is being what most whitefolx would consider a witch

It is no coincidence, no accident that the first witch killed in the Salem witch trials was Tituba, a sistren of Afrikan and Taino descent from Barbados

To fully BE a black woman IS to be a witch

Moma

2008-02-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

We call upon the name of Oshun...

the Source

For we are the daughters of Abundance

We are the children of Excess

We are the offspring of Much and Enough and More

There is no want in the house of Oshun

And certainly no need that will not be fulfilled

There is nothing that is within our hands reach that we cannot have

And nothing out of our reach that she will not bring to us

We have but to ask

Our Mother IS The Source

ashe ashe asheOOOOOO!

~ I Found God In MySelf and I Loved Her, I Loved Her Fiercely~

2008-02-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

Nothing in my life has been more powerful than personal acceptance,than as one of my Sistah goddesses calls it, "giving yourself permission"...that time, that place and that space when you realize that it is okay for you to be you and that even if it aint okay you bout to do that shit any damned way! The time when you grow weary of cloaking your fulfillment in the desires of others and you strike out in pursuit of Your Life lived on Your Terms...that moment when it dawns on you that the greatest accomplishment ever gained by being long suffering and self sacrificing was crucifixion and that aint quite what you had in mind for your life, when you open your eyes to the fact that man or that job or that career that you are giving yourself to day after day minute after minute hour after hour aint even got the decency to say thank you and has no plans of ever acknowledging your contributions, but will continue to take credit for them as long as you allow it...the time when you grow tired of hearing your words come out of the mouths of others without so much as a footnote, when you feel that you will burst from seeing others build their lives around your drudgery,when you feel like you cannot stoop lower, scrape any deeper or bend your back into one more contortion for the comfort of others
THAT is when you become a woman..the real thing..not someone who is virtuous and therefore hard to find, whose price is described as far above rubies because she gathers flax for her family; not what you have always been told a woman should be..BUT someone whose life is a shining example of Living of Being of Doing...what a woman truly is...someone who pushes her dreams out of her head, fashions them into a living reality right here on Earth and blows the breath of life into them
Once I started living for myself I realized that Heaven supported me, the Moon, the Earth, the Stars, the Rivers, the Ocean, trees, grass, animals had my back...God put Her hand in mine and smiled with me...I realized that far from being displeased or angry with my happiness, Her joy for me was rivaled only by my own...
And I intoned Ntozake Shange's words with full understanding for the first time:
"I found God in Myself and I loved Her , I loved Her Fiercely!"

Life: Practical Magick

2008-02-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

Woe unto those who discourage the magick of others by insisting that life must be practical..you know the ones I mean...as soon as you mention a dream, a goal, a desire to them...they offer you a million and one reasons that it will not work OR they saddle you with ten thousand steps that you must take in order to make that dream a reality...these kinda folx are rarely even recognized as negative and as a matter of fact they may be known as givers of good advice...while all the time people are putting their dreams on the shelf and their goals in the rafters due to the "well meaning advice " of those who lift up the blood stained banner of PRACTICALITY...look at the lives of those from whom you seek advice, are they living the life you want to lead? or do they seem to be in a perpetual rut? are they full of positivity and gratitude for life's blessings? or do they spend most of their time berating others? Seek advice from those who are achieving things that you would like to achieve, NOT from those who lives are like stagnant pools of scum filled water...dream crushers, dream stealers, dream non-believers cannot show you how to live your dreams! They can only drain you of your energy, your enthusiasm and your positivity, like the vampires that they are...keep a heavy strand of Unlimited Belief in your Unlimited Potential around your neck as garlic to ward them off...where you put your energy is where you will see results, in all things...once you have put your energy towards a thing, The Entire Universe shifts to assist you in accomplishing that goal...all you have to do is continue to work towards it and be patient with Life...but KNOW that it will manifest...that is Magick...simple, pure and real...because in reality Life Itself Is Magick

Coming Undone-Seeking Crazy Bitchdom

2008-02-01T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am a virgin to blogger so I am not totally sure how to manuever around it or how to best position myself to experience its pleasures...snicker

but hell

I'll give it a shot

Currently

I am in the process of coming undone

as in "she's come undone"

Being done

is something that women are constantly working towards and maintaining

we get our hair done

our nails done

there is something about womanhood that somehow means that we spend a great deal of our time trying to look like

smell like

act like and

feel like

something else

something false

an imaginary something that doesn't exist in real time

I mean

how many male hygiene products are there out there?

And any grown woman know that testicles DO have a smell

cause I know somebody is gone say but men don't have a smell

they do

but

we are not socialized to think that a male smell is something that needs to be douched or moist wiped or deodorized away...there is no male equivalent to FDS or pantyliners

so at some point

you become used to the scent of masculinity

Eventually

you welcome it as a sign that you are being up close and personal with your beloved

but

Your own womanly smell however

is something you try to regulate

wash away

perfume over

supposite on top of

or medicate

This preoccupation with controlling your natural secretions is a metaphor for how womanhood is viewed

It is something nasty, funky. deep, dark, dank and powerful in a way that must be tamed, shut down, controlled
Pushed to the inner recesses of our psyche to the point where we as women are not really sure that
WOMEN
really exist or are the twisted fantasy of a few sex crazed nymphos

Is June Cleaver really our ideal? Is SHE who WE want to be? Does she stand for us, represent us?
If not then who does...?

I haven't answered that question but for the time being I am working on Coming Undone...
She's come undone
A exhortation of sorts that is cried out when a woman gets too loud
or hysterical -which of course has the same root as hysterectomy
or bursts out of her corset
or allows the bun at the nape of her neck to come aloose
or takes up too much space
or speaks her truth loudly
or kicks and screams
or does all of the above at once which means she is having "a nervous breakdown"
or is generally not tippy toeing around in a tight ill fitting pinching quiet small shell
she has come undone
when she
when we
are not controlled
I can be the Empress of Control
soft, dulcid voice, smooth touch, not rattled by anything or anyone
one spiritual group refers to it as being "eternally at peace in any situation"
to make is sound like something good, something laudable, something one should seek out and cleave unto themselves
I can
do that
well
But I Feel so much better
when I am undone
there is not a tight knot in my throat
my chest doesn't hurt
and my back and neck don't ache
I am not as my sister said nauseous from swallowing so much shit
Amy Tan wrote that in her culture women are taught to swallow pain and that that is thought to be one of the duties of womanhood
I had a lover from Gambia once who told me the same thing, that women are created to take pain
conversely
we are not expected to experience pleasure frequently...but to give it endlessly
I am in the midst of an internal battle to stay
undone
an every day war against
the conventions, and mindsets, and upbringing and ways and mores
that poke and prod and suggest and insinuate and demand that I
remain
done
controlled
not doing so is a daily battle
it is a fight for my life
for my breath
for my sanity
for my health
yeah you are interpreting this correctly
what I am saying is that I am consciously working on
being the crazy bitch
the fatal attraction whore
the baby mama with drama
the insatiable freak
that woman who is not above speaking her mind or getting what is rightfully hers
the shrew
that little part that everybody's momma has that we fear
cause
it is lie not to be this part of ourselves sometimes
to lose it all in the pursuit of staying
done
and it is suicidal
she's come undone
indeed
completely
totally
forever
Un
Done
she refuses to breathe life into lies anymore
she does not sit idly by and take shit anymore
she is not assisting you in abusing her anymore
she is not a cog in the wheel of oppression
nor brick builder for the patriarchal white supremacist pyramid
she expects more
and more
and more
she has the gall to not accept anything less than what she gives!
she is shocking
she is wild
she is off
she got funny ways
she sum timey
she moody
thoroughly
UN
DONE
so
mote
it
be
in the name of all that is round
and juicy
and life giving in the Universe

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Oshe Tura Pan Afrikan Institute

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Deleting This Blog

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To Be A Black Woman IS To Be A Witch...Lemme Explain

Moma

*~ I Found God In MySelf and I Loved Her, I Loved Her Fiercely~*

Life: Practical Magick

Coming Undone-Seeking Crazy Bitchdom

~ I Found God In MySelf and I Loved Her, I Loved Her Fiercely~